How to decide the right school for your child
School offers are out.
Hopefully the offers your child wants have landed in the inbox and you are now faced with a decision. You may already know what the answer is and it’s a simple, quick one. Good for you and oh so helpful for the Admissions Team, running a waiting list, if you tell them quickly! But others may not be so sure – hopefully this will help you get there.
Remember my two golden rules:
There’s a right place for everyone
Don’t listen to them
The second is easier to follow, the first I know is true and with any luck you and your child will get it too. But sometimes it takes a bit longer to realise where it is. The first is easy – everyone is talking about offers/waiting lists/where to go. Try not to be influenced by any of that – you know your child best, and what will suit them. There are better ways of reaching a decision, so here goes.
Realise things change
You and more importantly your child, may have had a firm favourite all along. But now you have a clutch of offers, you’re not so sure. Be prepared for this – and take time to think about it.
Talk to your child – it’s their future
Hugely important. Of course. It’s them that is going to the school, not you. A happy child will thrive, an unhappy one in a place they don’t want to be at, will not. If they have strong feelings either way about a school, listen to them. Ask them to explain exactly what it is they really like/dislike. Dislike is more important – if you are keen on a school they don’t want, it may be in talking you find that it’s something minor that is easily overcome. Sometimes something happened on Assessment Day to put them off. Sometimes it’s something they have heard from others – (back to the golden rules!). If it’s a gut feeling that’s harder to deal with.
Talk as a family – gently
Chat over family meals – I’d even recommend going out – neutral ground – pizza always worked for our girls – and just chat gently about all the schools, what they offer, what you and they are looking for. Don’t make a big deal of it and let them talk. Do NOT let them overhear any conversation you have without them – they need to take ownership of the decision and not feel you’ve done it for them.
Talk to your child’s school – those who know them best but be careful of glory boards
Your child’s school will have a view and that is important but be careful – they sell your success to prospective parents – make sure they have your child’s best interests at heart and not their destinations board – they shouldn’t but just be sure!
A word on scholarships
Do not be swayed by scholarship offers. It is unlikely they will bring much financial reward – that should be reserved for means tested bursaries – and very often schools use them as a hook. If that is genuinely the school you want, fine but try not to let it influence you. Your school will want it but it’s about your child. In the long run they don’t really matter – it won’t influence university decisions. If however a bursary has been offered, that’s a very good thing!
Go back and visit
Chances are you will have visited on an Open Day – that’s fine but you will want to see the school in action. Schools will lay on offer holder q&a sessions, group tours, individual visits for offer holders. But be realistic – remember that children must learn and it’s not possible to interrupt every class/speak to lots of children and teachers. What you will get is a flavour as you walk around – often in the unguarded bits when you’re waiting to be picked up/walked from reception to the meeting place. Ask questions but remember you might not have individual time or specialist knowledge available on this visit. You can follow it up but a word of caution and a few don’ts:-
Do not read too much into results. Every cohort is different and these will fluctuate – consistency and improvement is what you are looking for.
Don’t get hung up on things like numbers doing medicine – ie not as many as you’d like – you have no idea at this stage what your child will do, and again some years lots apply, other years there are few who want to (I add this as this was a real bugbear for me and signified pushy parents!)
As above, exam result breakdown between boys and girls in a coed school – not relevant – different cohorts/different results
Don’t get too hung up on building/facilities – you may think sports facilities matter hugely now but in a year or so your child may not be interested in sport. If they are doing sport/drama/music to a high level and you’re sure that is their ongoing passion, it does matter
Look at the school, the staff, the pupils - how do they engage? Can you see your child being happy here? That’s what matters.
Talk to other parents at the schools
I saw this with a degree of trepidation – it doesn’t fall within my golden rules – but sometimes it can be helpful to talk to those who have children already at the school. But with a huge warning to remember everyone has their own personal issues/bugbears with a school so don’t assume what one says is the same for all. Don’t go out of your way to do this but if you do have friends there, just ask their views.
Don’t be swayed by friends
This is a tough one – it’s hard for an 11-year-old to understand that they’ll keep the friends they’ve already made, even if they’re going to different schools. And it’s scary having to make new friends. But real friends will remain – my goddaughter just celebrated her 21st birthday with her prep school friends, who all went separate ways at 11. Good friendships survive and new ones are made.
Family issues count but their happiness comes first
Yes I know – children at different schools isn’t easy – I did it – but your child’s happiness, learning and success really trumps convenience, unless it’s just impossible. Factor those issues in but don’t make them overriding.
Pressure from Admissions
You may face some pressure from the Admission teams – they are under pressure to get their numbers right and they can’t move on waiting lists until those with offers have responded. And they cannot ask for a response before the closing date. They might try and I understand why, believe me! But they cannot insist on an earlier response. Please, please though let them know as soon as you can – it will really help. And be mindful that some of your child’s classmates and friends may be hanging on for a waiting list place which they can’t get until you make your decision.
Move on
Make that decision and move on – be sure, tell all the schools what you’re doing and move on. Perhaps now is the time for pizza (again) to look forward and start to be excited about what lies ahead. It’s a huge decision – but gut counts for so much in my view!
Talk to me.
I know my schools, I know how it works, I know how to help people reach a decision. Talk to me and we can do that together. I’d like that.
By Cat Sutherland Hawes
Schools Advisor