Confidence Vs Arrogance

Confidence Vs Arrogance: what’s the difference? How to get the good stuff!

Everyone seems to be after confidence these days. You’ve got to be confident;  if I was a young person right now I know I would feel a lot of pressure to be confident.

I’m going to start by disagreeing with a current popular theory of “fake it til you make it”. Jon Kabat- Zinn, widely seen as the most important figure in terms of bringing mindfulness to the West, says “you can’t get to B without accepting A”. Therefore, I would say, the most important thing is to accept where you’re at, even if that is not quite yet where you want to be.

I define ‘arrogance’ as insincere confidence. The definition of sincere is proceeding from genuine feelings. Therefore insincere confidence is confidence that does not come from a real place.

So, what is confidence? The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something – at least that is what Google says it is. How would I describe that to a 7-year-old (also known as my job). Ok, so my sister is a chef and a really good one too. How can she possibly handle the heat and the pressure? Confidence plays a key role. There are so many things that you need to rely on in order for you to be able to run a smooth service. Waitresses/ waiters need send clear and actionable tickets, kitchen porters need to ensure you have nice clean plates for the food you’ve prepared. Being able to depend on each of these aspects will build your own confidence.

The same is true of life. Personally as a musician I have to face up to the prospect that a lot of people might not like my music and might not think I am talented. How could I possibly stomach this? I have Grade 8 on the drum kit (and at this point I would be encouraging my mentee to do grades if they play a musical instrument). I failed on my first attempt at getting my Grade 8, so I can say with confidence that it is difficult to achieve. This now acts as a layer of bullet-proof protection for me. Whatever anyone says about my music, they cannot say I am a bad musician.

How to have more sincere confidence?

Start with what you have, not what you lack. The children I work with are often SO talented but overlook this because their focus is on how other people have things they don’t. I once worked with a child that was very good at chess. In those moments, which we all have, where doubt rears its ugly head, I told him to think about how he feels when he is playing chess and transport that feeling into the playground where someone might have just said something which knocked his confidence.

Treat yourself the way you wish others did.