A parent's guide to leaving school and university
As parents, knowing how to support our teens as they make one of the biggest decisions in life following school can be challenging.
So much of their world differs from previous generations, and it's important we support them in a way that warrants the best start to adult life. In this blog post, we'll explore practical steps based on my experience as a mentor to help you navigate this tricky time with your teenager.
1. 'The Decision' - Encourage Choices
The decision-making process for teenagers leaving school, going on a gap year or considering university can be overwhelming. As parents, we want to support our children through this critical time. However, it's crucial not to force decisions upon them. Instead, we should foster open communication and kindly question their choices.
In my experience, I decided to join the Royal Marines as it was seen as a decisive choice. However, this decision was a facade to hide my confusion. Having everyone smile and nod felt easier than facing questions about not wanting to go to university at the time, or so I thought. It is rare that a child knows exactly what they want to study/do after school, so if their decision seems dead certain, question this with care.
2. 'Change is Always an Option' - Embrace Flexibility
The first major decision young adults make about their future will likely be influenced by friends, family and school. However, it's vital to remind them that change is always an option. Encourage your child to explore different paths without feeling trapped by their initial choice.
Upon realising that their chosen path isn't the right fit, some young adults commit to it out of obligation or fear of embarrassment, disappointment, failure, etc. Unlike school, university is a time for personal growth and exploration. Forcing our kids to follow rigid rules and structures can lead to a pragmatic, unquestioning and self-sabotaging attitude, hindering the pursuit of true passion.
3. 'Support & Well-being' - Prioritise Mental & Physical Health
Every child finds support and well-being in a unique way. For me, it was team sports and the occasional visit home for my mum's cooking. For others, it might be spending time with siblings or seeking guidance from a mentor, coach, or therapist. This lesson is not often taught before leaving home or school, leaving them unaware of when and how to ask for support.
How many times have you needed support without even realising it? How often has your well-being suffered due to poor prioritisation?
4. 'Uni, Gap Year, or Somewhere In Between' - Personalise Your Path
Times have changed, and preparing our children for the ever-evolving job market is crucial. Encourage your child to explore various opportunities, whether it's pursuing higher education, taking a gap year for personal growth or finding alternative paths that align with their passions.
Two generations ago, getting into university was considered the opportunity of a lifetime. One generation ago, the focus was on getting on the property ladder. In today's information era, we are preparing children for jobs that don't even exist yet. Life has changed drastically over the last three generations, so assuming that what worked for us is the best option for our kids might not be accurate. In my journey, I joined the Royal Marines, dropped out, took two gap years and then went to university, certain of what I wanted to study, and I loved it!
5. 'Relationships, not Grades' - Emphasise Networking
While grades are important, relationships and networking play a significant role in our children's future success. Encourage them to build strong connections with like-minded peers, mentors and professionals.
The age-old adage, "It's not what you know but who you know," remains true. Denying the impact of relationships is dismissing the opportunities they can bring. Leaving university with a network of friends and acquaintances can pave the way for future growth, irrespective of academic success.
In conclusion, as your teenager embarks on this transformative journey, support and open communication are vital. Allow them the space to explore their options, whether with you or with someone impartial like a mentor/coach. Emphasise the importance of their well-being, and encourage them to build meaningful relationships. Embracing flexibility and individuality will empower your child to navigate this phase with confidence and purpose.
By Ben Davies, Oppidan mentor
Ben specialises in supporting older students with university and life beyond.